Sneaky & Greedy Monster

We often hear a voice that says, “You’re not good enough. You’re not prepared. You can't do it. You’re going to fail”, whenever we dream about achieving something. This voice, like a monstrous opponent in a wrestling match,  pushes us down and beat us to a pulp with it’s running commentary when we struggle to stand up against it. This voice in our head is called Self Doubt.

Self doubt is a sneaky and greedy monster. Sometimes, we just can’t contain it and it slips past our boundaries. When it escapes from its boundary, it starts to feed on our confidence, robs logic from our minds and steals happiness from our hearts. In return, it leaves us with fear and insecurity.

One of the common ways to fight Self doubt, is to think positively. But in most cases, it doesn’t work as it's supposed to. The more we fight, the more it fights back. But with proper understanding and self knowledge, we can use Self doubt as a stepping stone to progress in our lives and achieve our dreams.

Self doubts vs my dreams

When I was in my 1st year of Engineering, I started learning Parkour. Soon, I fell in love with it and I always look forward to going to the Park and starting my practice. During my 3rd year of college, I decided to take up Parkour as my profession. The elders in my family were quick enough to pull me back, away from my dream.

“Parkour is great but you can’t make a living out of it. As an art, Parkour is a nice hobby but its not a realistic life goal. You’ll just be another failed artist and we don’t want you to blame us in the future for not stopping you from taking this path.”
They used their life experiences as examples and made me believe that if an adult says something, it must be true. I was convinced to a point where I told myself, “Parkour is my passion but it can never become my profession. I’ll never be as good as the professionals, anyway.”

I then decided it's safe not to take up Parkour as my profession and began thinking that only a desk job would get me respect and money. But the truth is, I was afraid of what people would think and say. I was afraid that I would become a failure in life. These fears caught hold of me and took me far away from my beloved dreams.
But it didn't stop there. It started to spread like an infection. I started to question my knowledge and abilities in Parkour itself.

Later, I realised that I should question my doubts and answer them instead of beating myself up or giving up on my dreams. I realised that Self doubt was not a greedy monster. It’s just a lost animal secretly crying out for help. Just like our other emotions, Self doubt is an emotion and we should learn to understand it instead of fighting with it. Meaning, we need to understand the root cause of our insecurities and take the necessary steps to find solutions to our fears.

Understanding self doubts and finding solutions

When I first saw this spot at Varanasi, I was wondering whether I could flip over this gap. I measured the distance and tried to flip beyond the same distance on the ground level first. It was easy for me, but I kept doing it again and again to make sure that nothing can go wrong.

After spending a few hours on the ground level, I moved on to the rooftop to attempt it. But as soon as I saw the gap and the drop, I started to doubt myself. That voice in my head started to say things like “ You can’t do it”, “You are not prepared for it”, “What if something goes wrong?”
Instead of fighting it back or blindly accepting it, I decided to address all the questions first. Instead of telling myself I can’t do it, I said, “I calculated the distance and I also did the flip at ground level at a distance longer than this gap. I checked the take off and landing surfaces. I’m all prepared."

Thereafter, I started to focus on my previous successful roof gap flip. Focusing on our Successes and achievements, big or small, when we are down, will definitely help boost our confidence and help us progress. After about 2 hours of conversing with the voice in my head, I finally felt like I was all prepared. I attempted the flip with a calm mind, devoid of any doubts and fears.

Like joy, happiness, fear and sadness, self doubt is a part of human nature. It will always be there and visit us whenever we try to move out of our comfort zone and attempt to achieve something great. We need to understand that it's just a thought and not our future.

You might ask what if something goes wrong. Sure, that's a probability. But it’s not certain. But if I never try, I’d be missing an opportunity to progress.

 I’m not willing to take that risk. Are you?

Who is Parkourpaiyan?

Hi. I'm Vignesh Raghavan and I love meeting new people. Mostly because at some point during the conversation we get to share what we do for a living. And I get some of the best reactions. Confusion, wonder, fear and sometimes even anger.

What you just saw is called Parkour and I do it professionally.

Confused?

As were my parents when I dropped the bomb on them. I was in my first year of engineering when I fell in love with Parkour. And it wasn’t until my final year that I realised and told my family that I wanted to pursue it professionally. And as you might expect, my house had turned into a nuclear reactor for the next few days.

When things started to gradually settle down, they understood what I am now about to attempt to make you all understand - that Parkour is, NOT AT ALL just about climbing buildings externally and jumping on rooftops. What it is, is basically, a form of art. An art, that encourages you to explore your environment, as you explore your body and expand your limitations.

What you see here is Parkour.

But what you see here, is also Parkour.

If there’s one thing about Parkour that I can say with certainty, it’s that, no one has ever started off with jumping over rooftops or climbing big walls. In fact, the journey is rather slow. We train to condition our bodies and strengthen them to take impacts of small jumps before we move to the bigger ones. And believe it or not, most practitioners do not even want to attempt rooftop jumps. Ninety percent of Parkour training revolves around strengthening, conditioning, reflexes, flexibility, coordination and balance. It’s a discipline, that aims at making one strong and fast, while also boosting one’s mental strength and confidence along the way.

As I trained Parkour, I grew strong physically. Big surprise, right? However, what kept me glued to Parkour, was how it was challenging my mind, as much as it challenged by body. The thought process involved in attempting a movement prepares you to face any kind of obstacles in your real life. As for me, I matured as an individual. I made responsible decisions. I became more aware, conscious, patient and strong. I had control over my mind and body.

But, it wouldn't make sense if I said that everyone who trains Parkour would feel the same way as me. It impacts differently on each individual. To some, it’s about growing stronger. To some, it’s about becoming faster. To some, it’s about feeling the comfort in moving. To some, it’s about pushing their boundaries. To some, it is a way of life, and to some, an escape from life.

My friends and family saw its impact on me. They understood it had nothing to do with thrill-seeking. They grew to become by strongest support system.

The society on the other hand, could NOT have been more hostile and discouraging. Short of pelting stones at me, everything else was said and done to prevent me from pursuing my passion. I channelled by grief and anger into getting better at Parkour. When I started practicing Parkour in 2010, we were merely a bunch of friends jumping around at Nageshwara Rao Park watching Youtube videos. We enjoyed training and learnt everything the hard way. Tables started turning for us as we received offers to train Armed Forces and play roles in films. My team and I started our own Parkour training Academy. The society that thought of me as a disgrace, became proud of me.

At my lowest of times, I wanted to feel like a hero - a superhero. So I fashioned a Superhero name for myself. I called myself “Parkourpaiyan”, which, if you speak my native language - Tamil, you’d know, translates to “Parkour boy”. I started uploading videos on social media. Soon, I began receiving appreciation from the Indian Parkour community and started getting recognised as Parkourpaiyan. And in that moment, I became my own superhero.

I realised that, with a bit of encouragement, a lot of dedication and a truck-load of perseverance, we can all be superheroes. We train all kinds of Superheroes everyday.

Superheroes that are 5 years old, Superheroes that are 65 years old, Superheroes with special needs, Superhero moms, Superhero dads, Superhero lawyers And of course, Superhero Engineers.

Parkour does NOT discriminate. We are all superheroes!

As Early Men, our ancestors knew how to move around, over, under and through various obstacles. Somewhere, as jungles turned to concrete, and as technology took over, we got lazy and regular movements began to seem like difficult and impossible tricks. We’ve forgotten our own capabilities. It’s time we brought back the Early Man buried deep within us. It’s time we unleashed the inner child within us. Go out. Have child-like fun. Explore. Play. Be your own Superhero.
As the saying goes - We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old, because we stop playing!

- Parkourpaiyan